They need to be awakened however, so we can live full and meaningful lives. We need to hear what it is we truly, deeply, and sincerely desire.

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Post tags: awakening our desires, desires, desires within, innermost desires, Prayers, secret desires

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It is no wonder people laugh at my works and make a joke of my labors. They find all the wrong things about it and discourage me all the time for my useless pursuit. Some were courteous enough to stay silent, but I know that they read them not as well. They turn a few pages and soon fall soundly asleep. They pretend to have read it yet says not anything they learned from it. They think I'm crazy trying to do what I do. They think I waste my time with toils from which I profit not.

Yet do I waste my time indeed? And what is the profit I should seek? Is it not to be content in your Holy Presence? Is it not to learn each day from you? Is it not the healing of my own wounds as you give me words that soothe the pain of my own heart? For the gift you have given me is thy gift to me indeed. Even before its fragrance blesses others, your perfume anoints me and gives me joy I can never exchange for any profit that this world knows of. You have blessed me indeed. You have been patient with my blunders. You have given me your smile as I pushed on.

O Dear Father, let me not give up now. Help me as I hone your gifts night and day. Renew my strength as I tread the path that is both lonesome and rought, as I face struggles that are truly great and long. And if I should offer my own blood with which to write down every word, let me offer it willingly and joyfully as you have offered your own. Let me weep not for my own pain. Let me not complain for my own cross. For it is through suffering that others may be relieved, through my own wounds that others may be healed. And it is through this cross that hopes will be rekindled, bringing forth the good news of a brand new day. Amen.

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Many times I must admit it, I would really like to see as they do. Not so much because I am unhappy with my gifts, but because I want to experience all the good things you have made, believing all your creations can never fail to give us joy. And I am indeed joyful dear Jesus. I’m joyful for the cool and gentle breeze that caresses my face as I walk along the shore. I am joyful for the warmth of the sun that gives life to every creature here on earth. I am joyful for the carpet of grass my feet walks on, for the flowers that bring me such sweet fragrances, the fruits that tastes so succulent when they are ripe for the picking. And yes, I am joyful for the music that brings my soul upwards into heaven; birds that chirp so sweetly, the crashing of the waves at shore.

I thank you so much dear Jesus for all that you have given me, most especially dear Lord, for being able to feel, to be touched with tenderness and love. Someday I know you will bring me new gifts, new expressions of your love and greatness. And I thank you even now for all those wonderful things to come. One day I too shall know what a star is like, things too great for me now to touch but never too far away for me to reach with your strong and loving hands.

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And yet this time I can no longer drag myself into the chaos where I chose to live. Cup after cup of brewed coffee could no longer give me the energy I need to finish loads and loads of paperwork that lay upon my desk. I pray to you dear Father. I pray for the peace you have promised us, a peace that transcends all understanding, a peace that never shatters with the most troubling shadows of the night. Silence the worries that lurk upon my mind, the fears that have only driven me to burnout and stress.

In this moment of prayer, let there be silence. Let there be peace. Free me from my fears and calm my shaking nerves. Let me see clearly that which really matters in life. I offer you everything, that in my nothingness I may find all that I need. Your Presence is all that I need O God, and in your Holy Presence there is peace.

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But really Lord, I do get tired of these questions. And I do get hurt sometimes when people judge me whenever they don’t hear the response they want. They tend to think I’m too picky, that my standards are too high, that I’m a difficult person to put up with, that I’m just too selfish to be able to commit myself to someone and be responsible for my own family. At other times there is even a look of pity in their eyes as though I’ve been overlooked a hundred times by eligible me over someone more attractive, more loving and more adorable. It’s as though my personality and worth had been measured by a single prejudicial criteria – that I’m still single.

Lord, I must admit I do have a desire to find that special person in my life. One whom I shall love; one who will love me in return; one with whom I can raise a happy family; one who will grow with me spiritually and journey with me in this beautiful life you have given us all. I wait for that person O God and I pray for him. I pray that he grow in wisdom and in love so he can be the head of our household when the right time comes. But before that opportune time, before that blessed time you have willed dear Lord, I pray that you lead me away from temptation that I may come upon your altar clean and ready as an offering for the man you have prepared for me. I pray for the patience to wait for that time, and I pray for the hope that never wavers in dark and lonely times.

I pray Lord, that I may grow into a beautiful woman right where I am today, bringing light and inspiration to those that come my way. May I be able to use the talents and gifts you have given me and may I be able to bring love and joy and peace wherever your hand will lead me at the time I possess right now. I am a single woman O Lord, yet I am not alone. I am still to build my own family, but that doesn’t make my life right now any less meaningful nor beautiful. You are the One who upholds me, and you are the One who gives me joy wherever I may be.

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Lord, I am not lazy but I am indeed desperate and I really need your help. I do not pray so I can have an easy life. I do not pray for the luxuries I never dreamt of having, such things are too much for me, they are too complicated for a simple man like me. But I do pray for another life Lord, the kind of decent life I want to give my loved ones. I want to give my children bread to eat when they are hungry, clothes when they are cold. I want to send them to school and be educated, be different from their father who did not even finish grade school. I want them to have good company, away from the gangsters that lurk the streets that they walk. I want to build them a home, a roof that won't easily give way when it storms, a bed long enough so they can stretch their backs when they sleep. I want to take them away from the heaps of garbage they scavenge from day to day just to bring home extra money for their sick mother.

Help me Lord, for you are my only hope! I’ve worked so hard since I was twelve, yet no amount of work it seems can ever take my family away from here. I wish I knew another way. Had I orly known it, I would have done it and never given up. But I do not know such a way. The things I could think of are not so much, not enough to provide the needs of my family. But I know of your Greatness O God and I have heard of your miracles. I know you are close to the poor and to the simple-minded like me. Help me Lord and show me the way. Save us and have mercy on us for there is nothing impossible for you to do!

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You know how I've yearned for your presence for so long. I have yearned for your forgiveness and your healing. Yet I couldn't come to you. I didn't feel I belong anywhere before you, anywhere near your sacred place. Today however, I chanced upon an open door of your house, and I just couldn't resist coming in. Strange as it may, I felt a very warm welcome here, the last place I thought would let me in. O thank you God! Yours is a merciful and gracious heart indeed that bears with lowly sinners like me. You could have just cast me out. You could have easily judged me and condemned me. You could have rightly done so, but you didn't. You welcomed me as though I still had dignity. And for the first time for so long a time, I felt like a woman again, a person who can speak her mind and be listened to, a person who can be forgiven, who can be cleansed and given another chance.

O please help me God. I don't know what I can do to make amends for my many sins. But I am here Lord, command me and I will follow you. I will do anything you ask. All I desire is to be able to kneel before you, cleansed and forgiven that I may be worthy to serve you. Let me speak of your goodness. Let me speak of your mercy and unfailing love. For I came here a sinner worthy only to be punished, but you embraced me in warmth and in love, clothing me with dignity and taking away all the shame that I have carried for so long.

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But watching television, I can see how fathers take good care of their children, how they embrace them, how they enjoy playing with them. The other day I also saw that a child also runs to his father when bad kids try to bully him. The father sent the bad kids away and the child was carried safely in his arms. Maybe it would be wonderful if I can have a father who can carry me like that in his arms. I would be able to see more things. I would be taller than the other kids! I would surely feel very special being carried off like that.

The nuns here are kind, but they don’t carry me like that and their shoulders are not so broad and strong. And they attend to all of us kids, they never made me feel so special. That’s why I'm asking you Lord, can you give me my own father here on earth? Can I have someone who will love me and carry me in his strong shoulders? I don’t want toys anymore Lord.

I just want a father. And a mother too. The sisters say that tomorrow, a father and a mother will visit here to pick out one of us to be their own child. I pray Lord that they would pick me though I'm afraid I might not be the one they will choose. I heart they want a handsome kid or one who’s really talented. I'm not so handsome Lord and I don’t even know how to sing. But I can embrace them like the kids I saw in tv. I can help in cleaning their house. I can kisss them when they arrive home from work and then I would bring their slippers.

Won’t you grant my prayers O God? Will you help me? I believe that you are a Good Father as the sisters told me and I really thank you for hearing me out. Maybe I should sleep now so I won’t be so sleepy when my father and mother picks me up tomorrow.

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People who do not know my troubles envy the kind of life laid down for me. They wonder what more I can ask for, what more I could possibly want. But they do not feel the turmoil that keeps me awake at night, the fears that hinder me from following the dreams you have destined for me to find.

My heart is filled with rage for the people I should love the most. This anger poisons me but I couldn’t let it go for these people have wounded me even before the day I was born. How can I ever forgive them? How can I ever be healed? Too many people have been hurt already and if I don’t find my way now, this cycle of brokenness will only happen over and over again.

I desire that the family I am going to raise be whole and strong, filled with love ad build from a firmfoundation. I desire that the children I wil bear will not suffer the wounds and the shame that I have suffered from. Heal me O Lord and break the curse that lay upon my veins. Grant us your forgiveness and blot out the shameful record of our transgressions. Slowly open up my heart and let me face my sorrows. Fill my heart with acceptance and love that I may learn to forgive those who didn’t know what they have done. Soothe the painful memories inflicted upon me from my conception in the womb. And remove the scars that have marked me with guilt and punishment for the sins I never committed. Indeed, give me a new mark and a new name O God, that I am yours and will forever be your beloved and precious child.

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What could it be lord? What have I lost when I seem to have gained so much? The kids have now grown up. They have so much energy, so many things to do I could hardly see them in the house lately. Boys, they’re young men now so full of life in their vens no toy or baked goodies can ever keep them home anymore. And Amy, she used to bother me all the time asking how much I really love her. She used to call me so often even in the middle of a meeting that I would push her to go look for something else to do. So much potential that woman has and so much love inher eyes I don’t know what she ever saw in me to adore me that way. Now she has finally adhered my advice. Just a month more and she’s about to finish her second course. She’s also found this civic group she’s spending most of her time with after school. I know she’s finally found her gifts. I miss her calls though. I miss the way she snuggles in my arms as we dream our big dreams for our little kids. We could hardly make both ends meet then, but we were cool, we were hopeful, we had each other’s hand to hold on to.

Now the only one who even cares to give me a note is my secretary, that sweet young lady who reminds me so much of Amy when she was her age. She’s getting to know me better.. she can even see the loneliness in my eyes. O how I need that kind of attention Lord! But I know that it is not from her that I should be seeking it. Lord, I know it would be foolish if I should ask you to turn back the hands of time. I've already been given my time and I have used it in ways I shouldn’t have spent it.

But Lord, I believe in your power and your mercy. I believe that you can still lead us over to the right pathhowever surely we have wandered along the way. Help me to walk that path once more. Show us the way to get there from where we are today. Let me catch up with the kids. Let me catch up with Amy. Somehow I was the one who pushed her to grow apart from me. I should have been there for her. I should have rejoiced in her victories. Help me Lord to make her feel how much I really love her, to let her know just how proud I am of her. Help us to spend the rest of our years together dreaming once again, new dreams that would rekindle our hopes and our trust upon each other. Help us share more little joys – more picnics,more afternoon walks, more cups of coffee in between heartfelt talks and laughter. Help me guide the kids in adating to their new lives and help us accpt the changes that have taken place as regards our relationship with them. Help us let them go. Help us find comfort in each other’s arms as we build our lives again, an old couple renewed with fresh hopes and bound by moments we will cherrish for a lifetime.
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© Jocelyn Soriano for I Take Off The MASK!, 2007. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Prayers

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