For how long can you be happy in this life?

For how long can positive thoughts sustain you?

Will you be able to escape the aging years ahead?

Will you be able to escape your death?

Will you be able to escape the death of those around you

and bear the pain of their passing away?

Will you not grieve when your loved one passes away?

Will you not miss them?

Where shall you find your comfort in the end?

Shall you find it in the thought that they are not really gone,

but shall take on new personalities someday, somewhere, in another lifetime?

Personalities that knew you not

Personalities that have not your memory

nor the remembrance of your love

Shall you find comfort that they might go unto the Absolute

somewhere where all shall finally be merged as one,

energies pulsating, being absorbed unto the whole,

mere energies that sink and rise without end

without form

without persons you've wanted to love and to be with forever

No, you shall not.

You cannot

and even if you say you can,

you would have lost this one thing:

You would have lost

what true love

really means

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He was a very kind man, a sweet and loving man who also happened to be a retired Captain of the Armed Forces of the Philippines, a proud veteran of the USAFFE in World War II. I loved him - very much, and regarded him as my very own father. He used to carry me up his shoulders when I was but a little girl. I never saw him mad. He was always calm and gentle, but with that certain kind of strength in him that never needed to be boasted about anymore. Maybe this kind of admiration was the source of my childhood dream of being a lady cadette officer. Well, I didn't realize that dream, but in my heart I knew I've acquired that kind of courage he had, and it sort of stayed with me through the years.

I also admired the kind of love he cherrished with my Grandma. Something that lasted for fifty golden years, the 50th year being the year of his demise. I often told myself that theirs was the kind of marriage I fervently pray to have - simple, sincere, lasting, abounding in love, courage and understanding. The day my Grandpa died, my heart broke, not only for my own grief, but for the grief of seeing such a blessed marriage come to a sudden end right before my eyes.

How indeed are we going to go about our lives after his passing? How do you let go? How do we spend our late evenings without his stories? How do we celebrate Christmas without his jolly smile? What do you do when you grieve the loss of a loved one?

The seat he occupied at dinner will remain vacant thereafter. The sight of him and Grandma embracing each other after a petty quarrel will be nothing more but a sweet memory to look back to.  Living through loss, healing, letting go, those words seemed so distant before it happened in your own life.

The funny thing was, I never really considered him old. He had always been strong and healthy and happy. I thought he'd always be there, for me, for my Grandma, for everyone who has ever gotten to know the wonderful person he is. But I guess death is like that. It takes from you in an instant the people you've cherrished for a whole lifetime. Just like that. As simple as that. And you are suddenly left with two things: anger for having been deprived of your beloved for no reason at all; and emptiness, a vacuum that gnaws right at your heart where all the joyful moments once had been.

And how will it be for people who have lost not only their fathers, but mothers, children, both parents, lifetime partners who spent their lives through thick and thin, who dreamt together and journeyed together and found meaning in each other's lives?

How are we to begin grieving for them? Where could we ever find the tears to weep, tears that will pour out and cry in behalf of our torn and shattered hearts?

1. Cry

Find those tears. Try to let them out however painful the process is. Let them out. Let them pour showers that will cleanse away every bit of darkness and bitterness from your heart.Shy not from crying out aloud. You have every right to be heard, and all the right to be hurt. No one's going to stand in your way even if you wail.

Let your cries rise up to the clouds, unto the ears of heaven who understand what sorrow mortal men go through in this valley of tears.Cry for the pain of parting. Cry for the sad mornings that will greet you without your lover's arms. Cry for the words that shall remain unspoken and unheard. Cry for the places you will never be able to walk together anymore. Cry for the dreams that will remain as dreams. Cry for the memories that will remain as memories. Cry for the hand that can no longer caress you. Cry for those eyes that can no longer see your tears.Cry your heart out. Because the truth is - it hurts, and it really hurts so much!

2. Forgive

There are many things we don't want to admit in times like these; things we believe would only dishonor the memory of our loved one, or things that would dishonor us before their memory. But unless we deal with these things, we would always be burdened by things that should have been buried with passing of our loved ones.a. Forgiving our loved onesPeople are not perfect. No matter how much we love them or no matter how good they are, they may have hurt us at one point or another. They may have judged us and disappointed us. We have to admit how they failed us, and then forgive them with a forgiveness that comes out of the generosity of our hearts. We know that we do not have time anymore, we can no longer wait for them to see their faults and ask our forgiveness.

So we forgive them. We let them go with no bitterness in our hearts.b. Forgiving ourselvesWhen our loved ones pass away, there is always a feeling of guilt left in us - how we haven't loved them enough, how we could've saved them, how we could've made them happier. But when we come to think of it, how much more could we have really done though? Even if we could've made a difference, could we be able to turn back the hands of time?Forgive yourself. Admit your faults, go to confession, slap your face hard, observe fasting for a week, shave your head even! But don't punish yourself forever for being unable to make the proper retribution. You can no longer do that. It's not your fault anymore. Blaming yourself could never earn for you the forgiveness you so desire. If you can't be content in praying for forgiveness alone, if you really believe you still have to do something to be forgiven, then do this - love those people still within your reach. Do this, and you'd have earned more than forgiveness; you'd have loved. Love heals. Love forgives.

3. Deal with the pain one day at a time

Grieving for our loved ones who passed away is probably one of the most painful things we'll experience in life. Deal with it one short day at a time. Don't think of the whole 25 or 50 years ahead of you. Just think of today, and of all the support being given you just where you are. It is times like these when we get to know who our true friends are, people willing to extend their hands and their hearts to help see you through. Accept the help given you, and you'll make it today.

4. Honor/ treasure their memory

Many people will suggest to you to move on, which is a fine thing. In the process though, they may also urge you to forget all about the past, and start letting go. Now letting go is not such a bad thing, it could mean giving up all our unrealizable expectations and all of the things we cannot do anymore. But to forget all things completely - to do so would be to start cheating on our true feelings for our beloved who passed away.We can't just act like we had amnesia all of a sudden.

We can't pretend that the things that happened didn't happen, and that the precious moments we've spent with our loved ones don't mean anything to us anymore. Something happened in the past. Souls touched in the past. Lives changed. Souls were inspired.Our grief is only amplified with the thought that we are forever parting with every remaining essence of our loved ones. That's what makes our mourning even worse, to believe that we are forever losing that part of our lives that changed us and made us happy. Don't throw it all away. When inspiration comes upon you, they need not leave. They never leave. They inspire us forever.

When my Grandpa died, I thought it was the end of the wonderful love he had with Grandma. But I was wrong. It did not end there. It cannot be ended that way. Up to this moment, I am still a witness on how true love is kept alive in the hearts and minds of those who carry on the radiance of its warmth.

5. Think of the legacy they left behind

I've always thought that when our loved ones go away, they take a part of ourselves with them. It's like a part of us withers away and dies. We feel like an arm or a leg had just been taken away and we can never be whole again. We feel we are lesser people than we used to be. We then wonder why people had to meet at all only to be separated in the end, only to feel broken and incomplete.

But then I've also learned that when people become part of each other's lives, their lives become richer from the whole new world opened before them by one another. They gain a new perspective, they get a deeper understanding of themselves, they learn new skills and hobbies, they discover new places, they get to love a new song. Each one leaves a mark, a precious legacy, a part of their very selves to the people they love.

I don't know if any grief counselling teaches you this, that even after their lives together had ended, even after one has gone and passed away, that part they have given to us will remain. Because when people become a part of us, a part of their own souls remain in us, forever enriching us, and we are never the same as before.

"What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us."-Helen Keller

My Grandpa had been gone for 16 years now, but the things he left me, the imprint he left in my soul will always be there, guiding me through my journey ahead. Love of country, courage, dignity, love of family - these are the things I will always be thankful for.

6. Schedule activities that help vent out your emotions

You cried, you wept, you wailed. You're undergoing a grief so deep from your loss.  But as you miss your loved one more painfully with the passing of each day, you feel the emotions within you continue to surge, emotions that need to find a proper outlet to let go.

Scedule those activities with a friend that will encourage you to perform them:
-Play badminton, let go of all the hurts you feel everytime you hit the shuttlecock. Hit it hard! Hit it as far as you can.

-Run the treadmill. Everytime you feel the urge to escape, walk tirelessly. Walk like you never walked before. Run. Run and release the pain you keep within you.
-Swim, imagine your tears being washed away. Do your most powerful strokes, and glide away from all the expectations the world thrusts upon your shoulders. Just make sure a trusted friend and lifeguard is watching over you, okey?
-Grab a crayon and a sketch pad. Draw the abtract feelings you can't and don't want to decipher at the moment. Draw in hard wild strokes. Then tear the sheet in pieces.  Do everything within your power to find those shreds of inspiration that can keep you going on.  It would make your healing more bearable, believable.

7. Replenish your soul

Once the strong feelings begin to subside, replenish your soul with activities that promote peace, wholeness and a fresh beginning.

-Plant a seed and watch the new plant emerge from the ground from which it was buried.
-Take care of a chick and help it grow into a hen. You can even enjoy the eggs she will lay for you later!
-Watch a sunrise with a trusted buddy. See how darkness transforms into a magnificent rising of a brand new day.
-Travel somewhere you've never been to. Get to know the locals and try to enjoy their way of life.

8. Give yourself time to adjust and recover

It will take time for you to carry on your usual routines each day. Just be patient with yourself. One day survived is one day of battle won. The more days you suvive, the more confidence you will gain that you will make it.

If it's really difficult for you, you can try to write letters to your loved one as though you were only miles away.
This will help you cope with the abrupt change of suddenly not being able to talk with your loved one. This will also help keep your life in check as you literally report what you're doing with your life.

9. Think of the legacy you wish to leave behind

The torch has been passed on to you. Your life has been made richer by the legacy you received. What do you do now with what you have? What legacy do you want to leave behind to the people that matter most to you now? Remember that you are now a different person by having been a part of someone's life. Everything you do, any difference that you make in this life is not only because of you, but also because of the one who loved you. When you leave your mark unto this world, you leave a mark formed also by every person that truly touched your life.

10. Believe that God will see you through

God knows your grief. He weeps with you. He hopes with you. He cares for you so much that He willingly died for you to conquer death forever and to give you the perfect and eternal life He wants you to enjoy. Things have not ended here. They have only just begun. Take heart! He will see you through. It is Jesus Himself who said, "The girl is not dead but asleep." (Matthew 9:24)

When my Grandpa died, I used to doubt whether we can still smile again, now I know the answer: WE CAN.

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I myself have asked many questions:

What if these Christians retract their faith in the midst of their tortures, would God be saddened by such a decision?  Is God not saddened seeing them suffer that way?

On the other hand, why do Christians persist in defending their faith?  Is this some legalistic concept of salvation?  Is this some heroic act of defending an invincible All-Powerful God?

The understanding of such conditions depends on the premise one takes.  If one takes the purely logical process, one can't help but think there is really no benefit gained by such Christians from their suffering and that the God they worship is either not really present, or not a loving God at all to be able to allow such inhuman treatment to be inflicted upon the ones He professes to love.

It is only by taking the premise of love that one can have some insight within the hearts of these brave men.   If one sees that these people have really loved God with all their heart, as a lover does, one can understand how they have found in Him something more precious than anything else in their lives.  Losing such a thing is synonymous to losing their lives and living a life apart from Him cannot even be imagined as they have become one with Him, being empty without Him, being lost, being dead.

Now as to the reason why God does not intervene in this matter (apart from spiritual Grace), there are such Laws that even God cannot break and will not break, seeing the better good that will arise out of it all.

It might be beneficial to first review what causes suffering in the world:

• sickness of imperfect body
• death of others due to imperfect body
• pain inflicted by sin of others
• pain inflicted by sin of self

In other words, suffering is caused by imperfect body and soul, by SIN that brings about death. 

Now how to remedy it?

• Sickness and death eradicated thru resurrection, by way of being born into the new incorruptible body Paul mentioned in the Bible.
• Emotional pain caused by others relieved thru forgiveness and total surrender to the God.

Now, going back as to why couldn't God intervene more

• As to remedying sin, Love cannot be forced
• As to remedying physical death, it would be a curse to give immortality to those who have not learned of love.

What might happen if He does intervene?

• God stops us from getting sick
• God stops us from dying when attacked by others
• God stops us from sinning
• God stops others from sinning against us

As a result, the world we know today will no longer be the same kind of world.  Freewill shall no longer be.  God would dictate everything and we succumb to the level of a slave or a robot instead of a lover who can freely respond to His love.

This world is not yet perfect.  This isn't heaven yet.  Ours is a world of duality, of both light and darkness, of love and hate, of bliss and suffering, and of the many choices in between.   God can surely pull out the weeds, as the Gospel says, but He will not do so for fear of pulling out even the good wheat, of the many good things this world can accomplish for our eternal soul.  In patience then do we wait and in joy do we live for the moment given us here, growing in virtue and in love, shining forth what little light we can give, until the seasons of the earth are over, and the night shall be no more.

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We can't love like that.  Our love, however good is still conditional.  We want something in return because we are not perfect, and we try to get from others what we lack.

That is the reason Jesus gave us two commandments, why we needed to love God first.  In truth, it is a command to allow God to love us, to be so embraced and ensured that we couldn't ask for anything more.  In that way only can we love others truly as God has loved us.

That kind of love is therefore not waiting for any condition or reward.  That love is also not boastful, self righteous or looking down upon another person because it knows that whatever love it can give has come not from itself but from God, like the moon reflecting only the light cast upon it by the sun.

It is hence our first duty to seek God's love, to know, to believe, to feel, to be enveloped in the Light of God's marvellous compassion.  All else that follows are but mere expressions of our gratitude for the priceless gift we have received.

Whenever I feel injured or angry against another, it is most likely because I felt unloved at that time and the solution is not to continue seeking it from the person concerned but from God Himself.

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Imagine a world

where you can't bring anything

you ever owned

not one valued possession

not a single penny you can toss

Imagine a world

where titles and status mean nothing

where authority belongs not to you

Imagine a world

where no man stands taller than another

and where beauty comes not only from you

Imagine a world where you can't hide anything

nor busy yourself with things that make you forget

just how empty you are within

how angry

how insecure

or how afraid

Imagine such a world

And then try to  imagine once more

Imagine a world where no one starves

nor longs for shelter

where no one gets sick

and no one ever grows old

Imagine no pain

and no death ever

that would make you weep

a world where you need not

depart from home

from the people you love the most

imagine never having to be alone

Imagine a world

where you are accepted and understood

for who you really are

Imagine you are loved

like you have never been loved before

Imagine such a world

and then open up your eyes

What do you see?

What is it that you truly desire to do?

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What is the meaning of our life

if we are but a mist that quickly goes away

like a rose that blooms but for a day

What does it matter then that we have

ever passed this way?

Whatever happens

to the smiles we have smiled

to the tears we have cried

Whatever happens

to dreams we dreamt and reached

to failures that turned out bitter-sweet

Whatever happens to raindrops that fell

if thou shall not rise again towards heaven

and be made purer than it has ever been

Whatever happens

O whatever happens

if thy fallen soul

shall not be redeemed

Yea by now I can only pray

I can only believe

that everything is not meaningless

that there is reserved a destiny

even for a withered flower

even for mist that quickly goes away

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I am a tree

sprouting forth and reaching out

for the glorious sunny sky

strengthening my stance

drawing forth life

from the warm womb of the ground

bearing forth what fruit

i may offer to all

giving my shade

to those who may want to rest awhile

Not all men may notice me

when they pass by

not all may taste the fruit

that i have whole-heartedly offered

nor avail of the shade

of my embrace

and yet  i stand

and yet i stand

for a tree remains to be a tree

though no one comes to rest in thee

its arms remain wide open

its fruit renewed always in their season

its gaze always before the sky

smiling

knowing

standing firm

where God has appointed thee

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I am like a child merely beginning its life, and yet I feel I'm also old, older than the ancient temples that connect mankind to its eternal source. I feel that I have lived from the very beginning of the earth; roaming, touching, changing, and yet forever remaining the same as the breath of theSpirit that gave me life.

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I do not know what happens after death
of whether the soul remains awake
of whether soul and body awaits
to be awakened in the last day

I do not know what judgment looms before us
or what mercies await us in our Father's
loving arms

I only believe in this -
that death can be likened unto sleep
and that it is in the nature
of life to go on

night may come
but day comes as well to awaken
winter may fall
yet spring comes again
whence flowers bloom into their full blossom

I only believe in this-
that perfect love casts away all fear
and therefore, there is no fear in love

Glady and peacefully then
can I sleep
Joyfully and sweetly then
can I wait for the morning
 

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Life is not at all a game of accumulating everything you need and maintaining a certain level of happiness, for happiness after all cannot be maintained.  Life is a constant flow, of touching and growing and moving on.  Life is either experienced or not, in joy and in sadness, in anger and in despair.  Those who choose not its sorrows choose not its happiness as well; and those who choose not to live fully choose only to crumble and to die.  - www.itakeoffthemask.com

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