Where Is Our Joy In The Midst Of Our Sorrows?

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.– Kahlil Gibran

We seek for happiness all our lives.  We seek for it in things that bring us pleasure.  We seek for it in people who could love us and accept us for who we are.

When things go wrong however, that same happiness turns into grief, and we are heartbroken once again.  We ask ourselves, “Is happiness really that fleeting?”

A little voice within answers, “Yes, for happiness depends upon events and things that change.  If you want something that lasts, seek for joy instead.”

We ask in turn, “How can it be?  Can joy still exist even in my sorrows?”

I believe that joy and sorrow can definitely exist at the same time. Yes, we are hurt. Yes, we’re broken. But yes, we know we’re going to make it. And yes, we know we’ll get out of it better persons than we used to be.

Somewhere in our hearts, there is a chamber of joy that should remain intact and untouched, forever guiding us in our most troublesome paths.

“I have deep sorrow today, and an unclear vision of the future. But nobody ever died of loneliness – only of hopelessness! As long as I have hope, no problem is ever too difficult, no night ever so dark that it can prevent the rising of another day!”

The key to joy is hope.  It is the belief that the pain we’re suffering from at the moment cannot last forever and shall one day pass away.  It is a certitude that things are always turning out for the better, for our own good, because God is still in charge of our lives, and God will never let us down.

We rejoice then, not because we are wounded, but because we are in the process of being healed.  We rejoice not because we are experiencing tough times, but because we are being made stronger and braver than we used to be.

Where is joy then in the midst of all our sorrows?

1. JOY is in our hope that God’s Plans for us will come true, and it’s just a matter of time.

God has the best plans for us, and they will come true in due time.  For the meantime, we can relax and stop stressing ourselves over fears caused by our impatience, our envy and our lack of faith.

IMPATIENCE

Sometimes, it is not our current situation that really causes us stress.  It’s our impatience that things are not yet how we wanted them to be.  We want to be rich NOW.  We want to find our life partners NOW.  We want to be stronger NOW.

But there are things that require time.  An oak tree must start from a little seed.  A person must start out as a little baby.  A business empire must start out as a small enterprise.  And a soul must undergo many seasons of testing and pruning before it becomes holy and strong.

If we could only trust the process we’re going through, we’d feel less impatient, and more hopeful for the beautiful things coming our way.

ENVY

One reason why we want to have everything we want at the moment is that we envy other people who have already reached what we want to achieve in life.

It hurts our ego that we are not as blessed as others are.  We can’t accept that we’re still in the process of reaching for our dreams while others have already made theirs come true.

Oftentimes however, we do not know how many years those people spent before they were able to reach their current status in life.  We don’t know how many times they cried or how much pain and rejection they had to go through in order to be the successful people we now know them to be.

Let us trust God’s own process with us and let us not be impatient because we are certain to receive our rewards in due time.

LACK OF FAITH

The answer to what we’re praying for may already be on the way – a pending job application is soon to be approved, a potential life partner is just about to be met, an apology is to be accepted.  Yet even if these things are about to happen soon, if we don’t currently believe they could happen, we’d be in great misery and hopelessness for the moment.

If we could only believe that prayers are still answered, and it shall be answered in the right time, we’d be less anxious and more secure that the best things are already on their way.

When God says, let me take care of this, let Him. Don't try to work your way for His blessings when He wants to shower you with His Gifts.

2. JOY is in our hope that whatever our current sacrifices are, it will redound towards the good of others.

There are times when our suffering is voluntary.  We know we’re doing certain things in order to help other people.  Times such as these, our joy rests in the vision we have of the good change our sacrifices will yield in the lives of other people.

There are three things we much remember so as not to lose our joy within our current difficulties:

OUR SUFFERING ISN’T MEANINGLESS

A lot of our troubles fade away whenever our difficulties take on some meaning.  What’s really difficult are those sufferings that don’t make sense for us, those that drain us with pain without any accompanying fruit commensurate to our hurts.  When you are making a certain sacrifice for another person, always remember the meaning of what you’re doing.  Are you working hard in order to send your children to school?  Are you trying to bear the loneliness of being away from your loved ones in order to give your family a better future?  Remind yourself always that your efforts are not in vain.

OUR SUFFERING WILL ONLY BE FOR A WHILE

We should also remember that our sacrifices would last only for a certain period of time. We may need to count several months or even years, but it doesn’t change the fact that the time will come also for our sufferings to end.

OUR SUFFERING WILL BRING A LASTING GOOD

Our difficulties are only for a moment, but they shall bring a lasting good for those we love.  We may need to work overtime for several years, but the reward could be the education of our children.  There is a lasting good in exchange for our momentary troubles, and this is what we should always keep in mind.

We are not here to be entertained, but to live a meaningful life that makes a lasting difference.

3. JOY is in our hope that God can and will transform us into the best that we could be.

We may not be happy with who we are today.  We may even feel ashamed of our weaknesses.  Our sorrow is that we have been rejected many times, and it came to a point when we may even reject ourselves.  We no longer feel worthy of being loved.  We can’t believe we’d ever be happy with ourselves, how could other people then be happy with us?

But that is not how God works.  God takes us in our weakness and transforms our shame into strength, our brokenness into a glory we could never even imagine.

We all want to be beautiful because we want to be loved.  In truth however, it is because God loves us that we become beautiful.

The Bible is filled with many stories of how God transformed a number of men from fear to courage, from cowardice into greatness.  That’s how God works, and that’s the source of our joy!

-JEREMIAH

They will fight against you like an attacking army,
but I will make you as secure as a fortified wall of bronze.
They will not conquer you,
for I am with you to protect and rescue you.
I, the Lord, have spoken!
Yes, I will certainly keep you safe from these wicked men.
I will rescue you from their cruel hands.” - Jeremiah 15:20-21

Such was God’s assurance to Jeremiah, imagine being compared to a fortified wall of bronze!

-GIDEON

Then the Lord's angel came to the village of Ophrah and sat under the oak tree that belonged to Joash, a man of the clan of Abiezer. His son Gideon was threshing some wheat secretly in a wine press, so that the Midianites would not see him. The Lord's angel appeared to him there and said,
The Lord is with you, brave and mighty man!

Judges 6:11-12

Gideon wasn’t at all being brave by threshing some wheat secretly and hiding from the Midianites (their enemy).  But it was God who willed to transform him into a brave and mighty man.

-JACOB

Fear not, you worm Jacob,
...I am the one who helps you, declares the LORD;
...Behold, I make of you a threshing sledge,
new, sharp, and having teeth;
you shall thresh the mountains and crush them,
and you shall make the hills like chaff;
you shall winnow them, and the wind shall carry them away...-Isaiah 41

Jacob was so weak he was even compared to a worm!  But see God’s message for him:  I make of you a threshing sledge,new, sharp, and having teeth. How different is a little worm that easily gets bruised and crushed from a sharp instrument which God has intended him to be.

Even the apostles of Jesus were all fearful when Jesus had been captured and crucified.  How different they have been after receiving the Holy Spirit of God.  They were transformed from men of fear to men of courage who were not afraid to proclaim Jesus’ message even if they are risking their very lives in bearing witness to His truth.

God transforms us and helps us become the best of ourselves.  In this we find hope, and our joy is made complete!

It is through the most difficult trials that God often brings us the sweetest discoveries of Himself.

God comforts us in our sorrows.  He gives us hope to carry us through even the darkest night.  Our happiness may have been lost, but our joy need never fade.  Joy should be kept safely in the innermost chambers of our hearts.

He has sent me to comfort all who mourn,

To give to those who mourn in Zion

Joy and gladness instead of grief,

A song of praise instead of sorrow.

Isaiah 61:2-3

Our weeping is but for a moment, but our joy shall last forever! Rejoice then and keep your hopes up, we are far more blessed than we believe.

A TIME FOR JOY

This may not be a time for dances,
but this is a time for prayer.
This may not be a time for clapping,
but this is a time for songs.

This may not be a time for merriment,
but this is a time for awakening.
This may not be a time for running,
but this is a time for rest.

This may not be a time for kisses,
but this is a time for hugs.
This may not be a time for laughter,
but this is a time for smiles.

This may not be a time for parties,
this may not be a time for noise,
But this is a time for healing,
and this is a time for joy!

What is the true meaning of a heartbreak? Does it really matter to know that you have been loved before you can let him go?

Many times, it is not the process of separating from your partner that's hardest. What's really difficult is the meaning we need to give to such a separation. What will all these mean for us? Why do we have to undergo so much pain?

There are so many questions at the back of our minds but we're afraid to answer them for fear of not being able to face the meaninglessness of it all. As a result, we choose to hold on to the relationship however painful and unhealthy it has already become.

What are these questions we're so afraid of? Rather, what are the answers we don't want to find?

1.  That you have been rejected, and judged as “not good enough”.

Rejection is painful. It's like being disposed of as trash, as though there's nothing good or ever worth keeping in you.

When you experience a breakup, you can't help but feel you were never good enough. What did you lack? What could you have done to prevent this? Why has he left you for another woman?

To be rejected is to have failed to measure up to the standards and expectations of the other person. To be rejected is to feel that you have not been loved at all!

But is this the real meaning of our feelings of rejection? Did we really fail to measure up to someone who is better than us? Are we really so repulsive and worthless as a person?

What Rejection Really Means

• Rejection does not always mean you were the one who failed to measure up to the standards of the other person. In reality, many people call for a breakup because they were the ones who felt they could never measure up to your standards.
• Rejection does not always mean your WHOLE BEING had been rejected. It may be that only one trait of yours was considered as incompatible with your partner's character.
• Rejection does not always mean that the other person who replaced you as the third party is better than you. It could be that your ex merely found someone who is more compatible with him considering his values and interests.

And even if your partner declares you have been rejected because of another person who is better than you, it doesn't mean he is right! Remember that there are always three sides to a story: your side, his side, and the right side.

To be rejected by someone doesn't mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn't mean that nobody will ever love you anymore. Remember that only ONE person has rejected you at the moment, and it only hurt so much because to you, that person's opinion symbolized the opinion of the whole world, of God.

In order to move on, you must develop your self-confidence and raise the self-esteem damaged by the rejection. You must have a firm belief in your own self worth, in your own beauty!

Further, rejection doesn't mean you were never loved. He may have really loved you at some point in your relationship, but something happened and that love has not been taken care of and protected. It takes a lot of work and courage to continue loving, and many people don't have the patience and the strength to persist in their love. People change as well, and the guy who is now hurting you wasn't the same guy anymore who took your breath away.

2.  That you have been betrayed, and you have wasted your time, tears and effort for the wrong person.

To be betrayed is be slapped in the face a hundred times and after which, you still couldn't believe he could do such a thing to you!

Why? How could he have done this after all that you've been through? These are but few of the questions you ask as you try to understand his reason for hurting you.

You then remember all those years you spent together: all those happy moments, and all those rocky times you were able to overcome. What's the worth of it all now? All those wasted years you could have spent with someone who could have really loved you.

Wasted. Wasted laughters. Wasted tears. Wasted love.

That's how badly you felt. And yet, is love ever wasted? Where does love go when it gets sent to the wrong person?

No matter how broken and betrayed you may feel right now, know that love is never wasted. To be able to love another person is to be blessed with an opportunity to know the meaning of life, the real value of our existence. It's not the one who has loved the wrong person who has truly lost something. It's to be given authentic love and not receive it that is the greatest misfortune.

It's unfortunate how many of us fail to recognize the love that is being offered to us. We seek for love but never recognize it when it arrives. We crave for it only to reject it if it doesn't come in forms we expected it to be.

If we only knew what's being offered us, we'd have respected it. But we are often not aware of it, and we hurt the ones who really loves us so.

In order to move on, believe that it was never a waste to love. It has enriched you as a person and has equipped you with the capacity to love the right person when he arrives in your life. The one who hurt you may not have intended to cause you pain, but he has yet to grow and learn what love really is so he can recognize it when it comes to bless his life again.

To love is to risk, and to risk is to lose sometimes, to get hurt. But let it not deter you from loving again, from being happy. We can't always understand everything that happened, but we can accept that not everything is perfect in this life. The people who have hurt you may not have intended to cause you pain. Hurt people hurt people, and more often than not, they hurt themselves most of all. Let God take care of these people. Let God be the one to continue the love you have planted upon their hearts.

Let go of what you can no longer keep. Protect what's still worth keeping. Believe in love most of all.

You don't have to feel like no on understands.  In my book "30 Days to Heal a Broken Heart" , you will find the answers to some of your deepest questions and you will be guided thru 30 days of healing just when you're hurting and you feel like no one really understands: Why am I hurting so much? What's wrong with me? Could I ever have him back again? Whatever happened to love? Should you end a relationship even if you still love each other? Can I ever be happy again? Must I forgive him? How did we end up hurting each other so much? Why couldn't he try harder like me? I don't know if I could ever forget him. Is there anyone who could ever love me? Why do I always seem to fall for the wrong person? Why is he not suffering as much as I am right now? What if he suddenly comes back to me? But he could be the one! Read more...

Why do we always seem to fall in love with the wrong person? And even after they've hurt us so much, why do we find it so hard to let them go?

For most of us, a certain pattern seems to repeat itself. We fall in love with the wrong person, we get hurt, and then we fall in love again with someone who will only hurt us in the end. Our pain becomes deeper because the people we've counted on to heal us only brought us greater disappointments and hurts.

Eventually, we feel there's something terribly wrong with us, the reason why we can't be loved or even respected, the reason why people always leave us in the end.

In our desperation, we cling to the only available person who can be there for us, even if that person cannot treat us well. In some cases, we make our own illusions about the person, ideals we project on them even if we know they can't really satisfy our needs.

Soon we can't even remember what our needs really were. We get so focused on meeting the needs of the people whose affections we desire that we fail to recognize and respect our own feelings and needs. We lose our identity and self-esteem. And then we lose the interest of the very people we have tried to please.

If you could recognize this pattern, know that not everything is lost. You're not cursed. You're not unworthy. You're not hopeless. Things have happened for a reason, and it's time we do something about it.

Why do we fall in love with the wrong person?

1. We're just so lonely that we want the company and validation of other people even if we're not really compatible with them.

Some personalities naturally clash. Some issues are very difficult to address in a short span of time, especially when mixed with other issues. No matter how much we want to, there are some people who can better assist us at certain stages in our lives, especially while we're healing or learning to dream again. We have to find those people, and let go for a while those who might only stunt our growth.

Many times however, when we're so lonely, we just don't care about these things. We just don't want to be alone! Being alone becomes like a phobia, a fear so great it cripples us from doing anything else.

Where is this fear coming from? Was it due to peer pressure or to influences from the media? Does it have anything to do with your old childhood issues and neglect? Were you made to believe you could never be “complete” on your own?

There is a big difference between loneliness and solitude. Solitude is when you're alone but you're still in touch with your source of life. Loneliness can grip you even when you're with other people. It's when you feel “cut-off” from the source of your natural joy, from life.

How lonely are you right now? Is your loneliness so great it can't really be addressed adequately even if you're with another person?

2. We seek a trait we lack but desire to have in another person who has it.

It is said that the people we admire most possess certain traits we'd like to have for ourselves. It can be anything from being funny, intelligent, confident, adventurous, or even holy.

These are the traits we often find lovable in a person, traits we want to acquire in order to become lovable as well.

When we find people with these traits and become their partners, we feel as though we have also acquired these traits through affiliation. Finally, we become whole, we forget whatever it is that we lack.

But what if the person who possess such a trait also has other traits that are not really desirable, or even harmful? One example is when we find an adventurous person, but with a violent streak. Is it worth it? Would you like to have his exciting life even if he hurts you physically and emotionally?

Can you not find this trait in another person who is in control of himself? Or can you not try to grow this trait into your own character? It may be that you've been overprotected or restricted as a child and you now long for freedom to express yourself. But can you not do that with other supportive friends who will not damage your self-respect?

3. We project an illusion of our ideals instead of seeing other people as they really are.

Are you really in love? Or are you just in love with the idea of being in love?

Do you really love your partner? Or are you just in love with your illusion of who he/she is?

We fall in love with the wrong people when we're so wrapped up in our illusions that we become blind to the true character of the people we become intimate with.

In this situation, it's like we're actually using a person, any availble person we can cling on to in order to feed our ideals which they may never be able to satisfy. We demand from them things they could never give us. We want to turn them into persons they could never really become.

In order to find true happiness, we must also accept the truth about other people. It's the only way to let go of those you don't really want and then give yourself the chance to find someone you truly desire.

4. We don't know what we really want in a person.

Have you so forgotten your own needs that you also forgot what you truly want in your life partner?

I've noticed that people who easily found their partners were the ones who had a clear idea of what they wanted in the other person.

They have been allowed to dream, and they truly believed they can someday meet people who can make them happy.

True love demands truthfulness from your heart. Even if you find certain people you can be with for the moment, you'd just end up pushing them away if you can't really find the heart to love them.

Dare to find out what your heart really desires. Only then can your prayers truly be answered.

5. We can't believe we're good enough to find better people.

It may be that we do know what we're looking for in a person. We know exactly the kind of people who could make us happy. But along the way, we were convinced we could never really find them. We were made to believe we don't deserve them or that they don't even exist at all!

How many times have you been told your standards were too high? Does it mean you have to lie to yourself and settle for someone you don't really like? Isn't it unfair for you and that person? Why can't you believe you're good enough to find the person you truly deserve?

To really fall in love is not a tedious obligation to be performed, but a blessed opportunity to be grateful for! What kind of person will make your heart leap with joy? What kind of partner can make you feel God loves you?

To fall in love with the right person is to receive a wonderful gift from God! Which person will you consider as that? As God's “precious gift” to you?

Falling in love with the wrong people doesn't mean we don't deserve to be loved fully. It doesn't mean we couldn't find the right people who will give us authentic love and lasting joy. But it does mean that we have to make some changes that will break our previous pattern of hurts and start a new process of healing and growth.

It means giving ourselves the time and space we need in order to see ourselves in a whole new perspective, to see the unique and beautiful person who also deserves to be respected and loved.

Be the right person for the right person at the right time! Don't fill the empty space in your heart with anything less than God's best plan for you. Await for His gift and believe that you have always been loved by One who will never give up on you!

The above post Why Do I Always Fall In Love With the Wrong Person? was lifted from my book "30 Days to Heal a Broken Heart" , a book that answers our deepest questions and guides us thru 30 days of healing just when we're hurting and we feel like no one really understands: Why am I hurting so much? What's wrong with me? Could I ever have him back again? Whatever happened to love? Should you end a relationship even if you still love each other? Can I ever be happy again? Must I forgive him? How did we end up hurting each other so much? Why couldn't he try harder like me? I don't know if I could ever forget him. Is there anyone who could ever love me? Why is he not suffering as much as I am right now? What if he suddenly comes back to me? But he could be the one! Read more...