When I started blogging about three years ago, I had a clear goal. To be able to write posts that inspire and lift up the soul. From that point on, my blog had several make-overs and turning points, evolving as I also grew as a person. When I sought out new truths, it reflected in my blog. When I wanted to bring value, I included tips and several how to’s. Recently, I wanted to share what I’ve learned about health and balance, and that’s what I tried to shape my blog into. But I’ve come into a cross-roads once again, to decide which direction I should take with my blogging, and what role I wanted it to play in my life. I have to be true to myself. I couldn’t be another person but myself. Even if I wanted to write like Leo Babauta of Zenhabits, I couldn’t, and shouldn’t. It’s not my life. Though I cherished simplicity, my life had one dearer treasure – and that’s still inspiration. I don’t know if there’s money in it, or if people still sought it. But I believe it’s something I’d continue on even if I don’t earn anything from it, or even if I’m the only person who gets inspired by it. I would have to be true to my heart. Three years ago, I took off the mask. I will not dare put it again.

Here is a picture of my recent trip to the opthalmologist.  I wasn't able to blog or surf the net as much due to my eye irritation.  It turns out I got "sore eyes" and I was recommended to take a week off from work.  At least I can rest at home and maybe catch up with blogging.

I was a bit disheartened this morning, even a little angry. I tried to analyze why, because I've been having the same feeling everytime I go to work. I don't have a very difficult work. The pay is good. But why this feeling?

I’ve realized that I wasn’t growing as much there anymore. And I really wanted to blog full time already. But with the amount I’ve been earning from my blog, it’s still not enough. It isn’t even half of what I’m earning at work. And I felt more sad. When will it be enough? When will it earn? There are many blogs that don’t seem to offer so much but they’re already earning ten times what I earn now.

Then I read about Steve Pavlina’s article today Living Paycheck to Paycheck. He mentioned something that enlightened me. He says:

People essentially earn what they believe they deserve to earn. The main reason you aren’t earning more is because you know you don’t deserve it.

And then I asked myself, do I really believe that I deserve better than this? What am I giving of value that would allow me to earn as much as Stevepavlina does?

I’ve realized I didn’t believe in myself that much. I didn’t believe there is something so valuable in my blog that would allow me to earn the amount I wished to earn. And there lies the problem.

But will I stop there? Certainly not! Now that I was given a hint on what I’m doing wrong, I will definitely do something to sort things out, starting with my beliefs, starting with the value I’m giving to people.